Flirting With Forever
by ElizaDee
Summary: Jacob shows up before the wedding to say goodbye, making Bella realize there may be something worth living for. Fluff fic with good intentions.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**  
_"You Don't Always Get What You Ask For"_

* * *

A/N: We know I don't own anything.

I stood there in my satin dress, trying to figure out how in the world Alice and Rosalie could make me beautiful. Alice was saying something about a garter when a swift tap interrupted her. Charlie stared at Sam with large eyes, maybe because cut off jeans and flip flops didn't constitute as proper wedding attire. Maybe it was because he had filled the entire entry of the bathroom with his presence. He wasn't a friend of ours, and his eyes on mine were certainly not friendly.

Maybe he would bring news of Jake, but I squashed that hope. Sam was probably the last person who would deliver news of any kind.

"Bella," he nodded at me, pointedly ignoring Alice's presence.

"Sam," I floundered for words. Alice was scowling, probably because she'd been caught unaware, but her eyes were glued to his flip flops and I think they may have offended her more.

"Congratulations." The words fell awkwardly from his mouth. "I'm supposed to deliver a present for you, of sorts," he shrugged and he tried to smile but he just didn't have the sort of face. The last time I had seen Sam smile Emily was standing in his arms.

"What's going on?" Edward voice was cautious. The bathroom door slammed immediately, scaring the ever living out of me as Alice pressed her body against it.

"You are not supposed to see the bride before the wedding!" she cried out. She looked so angry and desperate I smiled.

"Alice you're overreacting, and you just slammed the door on poor Sam," I tried to open it back but she didn't budge and I didn't plan on pulling a muscle trying to force her.

Edward and Sam talked lowly outside, and I strained to hear a word. Alice could, and her mouth was wide open. Alice shocked? I had to know.

Before I could blink the door was open, but Edward's face was turned away from me. Sam had a small smile on his lips, one that was weary and apologetic at the same time.

"You do look beautiful," he stated turning to walk away.

"Wait!" he turned, "My gift?"

"Bella I think it can wait," Edward's voice was tight.

I looked at Sam's eyes, and they were staring into me like I was blind. He just shrugged though. I felt a strange calm at his presence.

"I'll take it now."

"That may not be a good idea Bella," Alice warned but I looked at them both, co-conspirators.

"Is he going to kidnap me? Kill me? Make me sign a new treaty?" I huffed. Sam broke out in a grin, and I thought that maybe he didn't hate me after all. Edward's voice was still strained when he told me no.

I took a step forward, and waited for Alice to move. She did, grudgingly, with her eyes pleading for me to stay.

"Where is it?" I asked Sam with a smile. He pointed towards Edward's room. I nodded but he said, "Its outside. It just makes more sense to bypass your guests," I nod and walk forward but then Edward was at my arm, one hand covering his eyes as Alice growled behind him.

"I'll go too."

"That wasn't part of the deal," Sam's voice rose, and I knew his Alpha authority was laced into it.

"Deal be damned. It isn't safe," I choked on a small laugh.

"A wedding gift isn't safe?" I touched Edward's hand and I realized that in a few minutes he'd be my husband. I smiled, assured. With him here, what could touch me? What could possibly harm me?

"I'll be ok. Trust me."

"Bella you don't understand,"

"Let her off the leash for a second," Sam growled. I didn't like the leash analogy but I took a step forward anyway.

I remembered Edward's room, and the large window that led to a two story drop. He was going to have to carry me out. I felt Edward's eyes burning into my back, and Alice was speaking to him rapidly. Sam opened the window, swept me up bridal style and jumped soundlessly to the ground. He took a moment to put me down, eyes intently focused forward. I knew Edward and Alice were looking down at me so I looked back up and waved.

Edward's eyes were burning into the forest and Alice's face was crumpled in fear. That was odd.

"Ok, let's go," he put me on my own feet and stepped forward, his hand on my elbow. I picked up my dress, afraid to get even a speck of dirt on it.

"Sam," I whispered when only the light from the house could be seen. He grunted a response, still staring forward.

"Sam," I faltered, I didn't think he'd like my question. We entered the clearing just behind the house, leading into the forest. "How is Jake?" I felt my voice break at his name. Seth hadn't had any news but maybe the alpha knew.

"Right as rain," a familiar and husky voice called out. I felt as if all the air were pulled from the sky. Coming out the bright house I couldn't see well, but I could see well enough. And I knew that voice. I knew that body, and I knew that stance.

I couldn't see his smile but I felt it there, like it was what I'd been waiting for all day.

Sunshine.

"Jake!" I tore free of Sam and hurdled forward. I fell, a couple of times, stumbling over God knows what. I didn't know what I was thinking, but when I felt his arms wrap around me I burst into tears. I forgot how tall he was as I buried my face against his chest. I barely registered I probably just smeared my makeup all over him. And he was holding me so snugly, not too tight like before, and not like I was made out of glass like I was used to. How long I had missed him, this.

And I couldn't breathe and I was going to tell him to let go but it wasn't him. I had forgotten how. The first great gasp made me cry harder.

"Jeez," he chuckled. Was his voice deeper?

"Jake you came!" I wheezed out. He tried to pull back but I wouldn't let him. "You worried everybody. You've been gone so long where did you go? What did you do?" I continued to ramble on and he let me. He didn't answer a single question. And that was ok.

My eyes were adjusting to the dark, there was just enough light left to let me see his eyes. They were so familiar and now they were cautious. He was being nice. He was holding back. But it was there, the sadness I left behind.

"Oh Jake," I sighed. I stepped back fidgeting.

"Wow Bells, you look great," he nodded and smiled. It wasn't a smile that reached his eyes.

"I'm just glad you came," he shrugged.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," I ignored the sarcasm. Even he wouldn't ruin today for me. Not him being here.

I looked back towards the light, and I caught sight of several figures in the dark.

"Who?"

"Babysitters," Jacob laughed. I heard a low growl. I didn't want to think about them and how much they probably hated me. Sam's civility was strained enough. Jake turned my chin back around to meet his eyes.

"I just came to," he seemed to look for the words, "support you. I didn't think I'd make it back in time, but here I am," he shrugged and he seemed uncomfortable. There was something wild in the air about him, like at that moment he was more wolf than man.

I guessed it was his first time in clothes in a while. His first time being human in months. I realized in that moment that I preferred Jake human.

"Yeah, you too," I shook my head and then realized I spoke aloud. I covered my mouth.

"Sorry! It just slipped out," he nodded but he was tense. Everyone was tense. Silence fell as I soaked up Jake's form. Stored it in my mind. Something told me, this would be the last time I ever saw him.

"Hey look, I didn't mean to keep you. I just wanted to see you one more time," I closed my eyes, I had been right.

As on cue, the wedding march sounded, louder than I think it should be.

"You aren't going to stay?" I whispered to his back. His fist clenched.

"I had a dream," he started softly, "Two nights ago, of you looking just like you look now." he turned slowly and the pain in his eyes startled me. It was like a reflection of me just a few months ago, and knowing I put that pain there almost bowled me over. "You were smiling, and laughing, and blushing like you always do. And I'm pretty sure you tore your dress before the I dos," he chuckled with true humor, "But you weren't marrying **him**." He shook. "Bella, do you even know what you just asked me to do?" he turned again and then threw over his shoulder, "Take her back guys," and he started to jog away.

I stood there, like an idiot. Sam touched me but I pulled away as if it burned. Why was I always hurting somebody?

The wedding march was louder. I heard somebody call my name, but right now, my heart was beating too fast. I was going to faint. But something in me lurched forward. Something in me made me run. Made me chase him. And before I knew I was running I was there. He had stopped, and he looked confused. And he was breaking, and it was my fault and I was so so sorry.

* * *

Ok, end of the line! Howdy! Welcome to my little story. I'm flying off of 24 hours no sleep and maybe too much reading for one night. So I apologize now if there are any heinous typos glaring out at you up there. I got this idea in my head like two days ago and now I've birthed it like a happy mother hen. I haven't read or watched anything twilight for a little while so forgive me if I don't have the characters quite right yet. Thanks for reading anyway!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

_"If you don't want to get hurt, never play games."_

* * *

"Alice!" Edward tried to stop his head strong sister but she was crashing through the trees at an unmatchable speed. They didn't have time for her to flip through the future again. Rosalie had ignored their plea for more time.

"Everything is on a schedule," Rose had commented through clinched teeth.

Edward wasn't happy they were flying in the opposite direction of Bella. Not with a certain wolf there.

"It's fading," Alice choked, and before he could ask what, he saw it. The vibrant vampire Bella, running through the trees, she was flickering. Edward stopped, surprised.

"What does it mean?" he asked gravely. She tried to look forward but it was as if everything was black. There were faded spots of green and white, a random cottage in an unknown forest.

"How is this Bella's future?" he followed with her, looking for clues, looking for a hint. Alice side stepped all the blackness, shifted through the haze looking for a clue. They reached something, and it was so blurry, so broken they couldn't see. Colors shifting in an endless background. Alice focused with all her might but it never cleared.

"You should go back," Alice said firmly continuing to strain.

"But,"

"Go back. I don't know what this means but you can't stand Bella up at the alter." She looked into his future and he was smiling. That's all, smiling. Edward frowned, he'd been smiling since he got back, and he'd be smiling once they'd said I do. What significance-

Alice left him, and he caught she was afraid at what might come up.

"You'll be the first to know," she called. He stayed connected, like she knew he would and in a matter of moments he was smoothing his appearance to walk into the house. Questioning eyes turned on him, but he simply walked over the piano, told his shedevil little sister to move, and played Bella's lullaby for the guests. The confusion of their minds almost made him lose track of Alice's vision, the blurry colors she continued to struggle to see. Rosalie's mental screeching didn't help.

Mr. Weber gave him the eye and Edward mouthed 'a couple of minutes more' and the preacher gladly took a seat. Edward heard his knees had been bothering him lately.

* * *

"Bella what are you doing?"

I faltered then, not sure what I had to say. He just couldn't leave like this, leave us like that. The last words spoken between us couldn't be so hurt. He had to say a proper goodbye, and we had to be ok.

I felt a familiar and unwelcome tug. The part of my heart Jacob had branded and claimed beat apart from the rest.

"Not like this," I managed to get out. He looked at me. "We can't end like this." I found my voice stronger. Angry.

I was angry? I decided that I was, and I should be. I wasn't sure why.

"You're right," he said with a dark chuckle. He closed the gap between us and gave me a hug. Not a Jake hug. No, it was cold. It was what Rene has scornfully called a church hug, nothing touched but our shoulders as he leaned down. There was so much space between us Seth could have slipped in with room to spare.

Before I could protest he was turning again. "Goodbye Isabella Swan."

His back. Lately all I kept seeing was his damn back and my anger swam up another notch.

"Jacob Black you're not being fair!" I shouted. I had the urge to stamp my foot, or throw my veil at him. Maybe even poke him in the chest, but I'd just probably break my finger.

"Don't start. It's not the time. It's your night," he didn't even have the decency to turn around.

"Look at me!" he didn't. The house was out of sight, but the moon was full and brilliant and it shone down on him like that's where it wanted to be. And he was standing tall, and his head was slightly bent, and even if he looked like an adult, he was still acting like a child.

"You wanna know what's not fair," he turned then, just when I was opening my mouth to lay into him. "It's not fair that I can't sleep at night. It's not fair my father hasn't seen me. It's not fair that you have the nerve to look so happy around me and you're seconds away to giving your life to a leech," he stepped forward and I stepped back. Jacob didn't scare me, he couldn't, but at that moment he was saying everything I feared. It was my fault everyone was suffering so much. It was my fault that Billy hurt, the pack hurt, Charlie hurt, and Jake hurt.

Jake wasn't just mine, I had to share him with those that loved him. And his disappearance had thrown a shock wave through La Push that no one had been able to overcome. They'd been so miserable without him around…..

"It's not fair that I'll never get to see you blush again. Or trip over nothing. Or talk in circles when you stop thinking about what you're saying-"

I burst into tears again. There goes what was left of my makeup.

But Jake melted, every muscle in his body relaxed and he started towards me with shameful eyes.

"Don't cry honey, aw, Bells I'm sorry," and he hugged me like he should.

"No I'm sorry," I managed between tears and gaspy breaths. He laughed lowly, and I should've been annoyed but I couldn't with him being so close.

"You told me it was a lost cause," he cradled me close, "and I didn't care because there's something so right about us it scares me to lose it," he rested his cheek against my head. I instantly felt better.

Jacob's piece of me sped up.

For a moment he whispered stupid things. Little things. Jokes we made back when he fixed our bikes, and things he saw as a wolf. I was feeling better when we parted. He used his shirt to dab at my eyes, and he brushed off a bit of foliage that got on the dress.

"Go back," his eyes were warm as he turned me around. He kissed my check and pushed me forward. But I didn't go further than that. Wasn't there something left to say?

"This is what you want," Jake started, " You want me to be your best friend. I'm supposed to be good, so I'm going. I've seen you suffer, I know now you're fine. You want me to be the bigger man well fine, I'm letting you go. You're free. Don't feel guilty, it's ok. I'm ok. Just go."

* * *

Fingers on piano keys faltered. The guests had moved around a bit after Esme explained the short delay. Charlie was out making a phone call, Rene was shamelessly feeling Emmet's muscles.

And Alice was seeing the picture clear up. The future, Bella's future. Two kids, dark haired and golden skinned, throwing themselves forward on stubby unsure feet. And Bella was there chasing after them, scooping them up into her arms as they squirmed and squealed.

* * *

"Just say you forgive me," I blurted out.

He sighed, "I forgive you,"

"Like you mean it,"

"But I don't,"

"Oh, Jake," I was about to apologize again but I swear he saw it coming. His face contorted and his body vibrated and someone shouted but it was too late.

Jake was gone.

And the menacing eyes of a wolf stared dead into me.

* * *

_Well hey again! Thanks everybody for reviewing! Such positive feedback definitely helped get this out quickly. Thank you thank you thank you thank you! I'm my own worst critic so I feel tons better about releasing this into the world. ^_^_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

_"Everything Changes"_

* * *

"I know you're seeing this," Alice looked so lost. She continued to switch back between two watery visions. Vampire Bella. Mom Bella. Back in forth so much it made his head dizzy.

But something else was moving in him. Crushing pain he had in abundance and panic was starting to make its debut as well. However, a ridiculous, giddy amount of joy was rearing its head.

"Bella with children?" he hadn't allowed himself to entertain that forbidden idea. Of course he couldn't give her any and she hadn't ever mentioned wanting them either.

But it was the most beautiful image he'd ever seen.

* * *

"Get back!" someone shouted.

"Jake," I reached forward to touch him, only God knows why, and his teeth snapped at me. I snatched my hand back before I lost it.

Paws pounded the ground to get to us in time.

It would only take a second more. But Jake was already backing up. His eyes, his wolf eyes were sad. And I knew enough of Jacob was in there that I was perfectly safe.

So I threw my arms around him. His whole wolf body stiffened and I think I heard Sam curse. There was a growl, a pop.

"Step back Bella," Sam's voice was all authority and power. "Jacob, go home," he was growling and then Jacob was growling but I was nuzzling his fur and I don't think I ever imagined he'd be so soft.

"Stop that Jake," I whispered into him. "You'd never hurt me," and he did stop. And he whined, so I smiled.

"Bella," that was Seth. I must be causing quite a stir at my own wedding. I almost chuckled. I stepped back, but I didn't step far.

"He won't hurt me," and I don't think anyone missed the pride in my voice. Seth stepped pass me and there were pants in his hands. Mortified I made a big deal to stay turned until another pop declared Jake was himself again.

"God Bells, I'm sorry. No matter how mad I get I should never….." and he must've trailed off because as soon as his pants zipped I had turned back around. I intended to hug him for not ripping my head off but at that moment his eyes were the eyes of my Jacob, the Jacob that put me back together. The Jacob I left healing in bed, his heart breaking in his chest as I walked away from him forever.

For the first time since then I felt the brunt of his love pull me under. I felt my love for him rise in my chest to keep me afloat and I knew again it wasn't just friendship. It never could be. Jake was more. He'd always been more. Loving him was as natural as rain.

I couldn't move. Something flashed, like lightening. An image I had tried desperately to forget. One that drove away dreams of an abandoned, broken girl in the woods. It blazed, the picture, the picture of two black haired children running into the forest.

And, it was there playing in his eyes. A boy and a girl. I stared into Jake because that's where they'd been hiding. Laughing, playing, smiling and breathing. And it felt like someone had knocked the wind out of my chest.

"I was, uh, sent by Charlie to find you," Seth started. But Charlie, and the wedding were far from my mind.

My Jacob heart was beating, but it wasn't on its own rhythm anymore. It was stronger. Harder. More determined than ever. And I swear I could feel the beginning of my heart fusing back together.

And I wanted to cry again, and maybe laugh. But nothing in the world could break me away from Jake's eyes, and the vision lying there. I was amazed when it changed, when I caught up with the kids, my kids, our kids. I swung them around and I could almost hear their laughter. I knew I'd love them with every little part of me. I'd love them so much, there wouldn't be room for scars.

The part of me that cried for Jacob that one night shimmered and blazed. And there was Charlie in his eyes bouncing my babies. And Rene burning a birthday cake. There we were walking on the beach with the sun bathing us all, and I was glowing and pregnant and thoroughly, all consumingly loved. And it was right there.

"Bells?" his voice was pleading and I couldn't understand. Didn't he see? Could he see his father playing blocks with our son?

I didn't know I was crying until it blurred my sight. Blurred a Christmas morning with so much family around nobody knew what belonged to whom.

Jake was staring at me like I had a knife to his chest. Was he breathing? It didn't look like it, but I couldn't see anymore anyway, I was crying too hard and my children were just blurry balls of color and love.

Someone spoke Edward's name and what was left of the vision wisped into smoke. I cried out from the loss, and Jake caught me as I stumbled forward.

"Incoming Cullens," I heard someone say.

"I got it," Seth responded. I was shaking. Why was I shaking? And I realized my arms were cradling my midsection. Cradling the empty stomach that would never bare the moment I became immortal.

I fisted Jake's collar but he wouldn't look at me again. I wanted to scream, I just had to know they were still there in his eyes.

How had I lasted so long without him?

"I can't do it," I choked leaning into him. I was all cried out, all my strength was gone. I had failed. I was lost. What was happening?

I just knew my whole heart was beating.

"I know," he shushed me and started rocking me like I was an infant, "I'm going, it's ok," the rocking made the pain stronger. If he'd just look at me I'd be aright.

"I'll leave before we all fall apart," he whispers, attempting to loosen my hold but my fist clenched unbearably tight. I wanted to say if he let go I'd fall apart anyway but my mouth wouldn't move.

"Take her," he says and he sounds defeated.

"Ok," Seth answers and he sounds unsure. But even as Seth's hands tug, I hold on tighter, any tighter and I'd bust a blood vessel. I shake my head, and I keep doing it even as Seth argues that I've been out too long. He's mad at Jake I hear. He says something about his timing.

Seth's hands are more urgent and Jacob is pushing but I'm pulling and pulling. If he'd just meet my eyes.

"Honey I'm flattered but you're killing me here," he glanced down, chocolate eyes so full of emotion I felt sure I'd drown. His eyes were the eyes of our daughter, I realized, because my son's eyes were completely mine.

I let go.

Seth sets me down and starts walking me forward. Each step feels like a death march. Jake is watching me, I'm watching him. Seth is the only thing that keeps me upright and moving. There's a soft smile on Jake's face, something resigned. And then pop, he's a wolf and he's running full speed west.

And the darkness of the forest gave way to the cheery light of the house.

"What do you mean more time? We're already ten minutes behind?" Rosalie complained to Alice. That was all? I felt faint. Had my life ended and began again in ten measly minutes.

They turned to me at the same time and Rosalie's mouth falls open. Alice flinches and I can't imagine what tromping through the woods had done to my dress.

"Alice I'm sorry," I choked out. She looks so sad, "about the dress," I looked down and I am totally surprised it was still pristine. How could that be? I touched my hair, still perfect. But I knew my face had to be a wreak with the makeup all but gone and more than likely I was blotchy and puffed up around the eyes.

"Edward is waiting for you," Alice said slowly, I nodded trying to stand up straight. Right. The wedding.

"You'll have to fix my face first," I tried to laugh but it sounded hollow.

Alice's eyes flickered, "He's at your house," Rosalie growled and I must have looked a little shocked myself.

"Why?" I didn't think I had to ask. Maybe he changed his mind about marrying me after my display with Jake.

"Your future-"she was quiet for a moment, "I said I'd take you to him. Don't worry about the guests, Emmett's entertaining them right now."

I nod and the next thing I know I'm staring at my own house. Alice was quiet the whole ride there, even though I'm pretty sure I begged her nonstop to tell me what was going on.

She stayed put while I shuffled up to my room.

He was sitting on my bed, in his hands the bracelet Jacob gave me.

When his eyes met mine and it happens all over again. I'm wearing my bracelet as I rock my daughter to sleep. I have to tear my eyes away. It was just too cruel.

Edward drank me in, from head to toe. Maybe it was an inspection but my body was whole. And he sighs, and it's such a sweet sound.

He begins to speak softly of his lost humanity. He spoke about his soul, his future. He talked about daydreaming of me with laugh lines. It was so surreal and absurd. We were supposed to get married and here we were miles away. And he was looking at me, in my dress, before the ceremony.

It all seemed so silly now.

"Bella," his velvet voice brought my attention back, "I won't pretend I won't always want you," and then he smiled his crooked smile and I felt something in me cry, "but I'm relieved you don't want me." I was at his feet in an instant.

"How could you say that? I'm in a wedding dress!" he was still smiling, though he was now gazing pass me, out the door.

"Your future has changed. I've watched it. Alice sees children," my eyes widen, "Bella you made up your mind." He touched my cheek gently. I tried to conjure up a future with Edward but brown eyed babies just got in the way. I tried to imagine myself getting married but the groom was no longer there. As an act of desperation I tried to imagine the honeymoon I had been looking forward to, but all I could see was me glowing in the sun, a pregnant belly looking as natural and right on me as my engagement ring used to.

Edward chuckled, "You already made up your mind," he said again.

"No, I love you. I need you. I agreed, it's just-" my mind wandered and Edward looked at me patiently.

"You see the children too?" he finished. I nod, angry, sad, and hurt.

"You want them?" I clench my fist and nod again, curt and tight which didn't do my desire justice. I craved those images so bad it stole my breath away. For the first time since I met him, I knew I had a choice. The choice Jacob insisted was always there. And here was Edward, he was right there before me and all of a sudden, forever wasn't enough.

His face was a calm mask. He was hurting underneath it I knew. For a sick moment I wondered if I could have it all, have them both. And I realized they loved me enough to try something so depraved.

Alice had seen like I had seen. I had a choice between brief, breathtaking sunshine and endless twilight and I chose the sun.

Edward had to hate me.

I was a monster.

* * *

First off, I just want to see that you guys are the lime in my coconut. Your support is oxygen! I have the next few chapters already lined up so luckily I won't take forever to update. I would love to reply to every review but I feel that would be a little suffocating...I mean if it isn't let me know, because the urge to gush back is strong! But special thanks to xONaLeYOx! I love hearing what you guys think! Mwah!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_"Oh, Sweet Nuthin"_

* * *

I stared at myself in the bathroom. My wedding dress remained pristine, my hair was perfect and not a strand dared step out of place. My face was calm now as I felt the full force of my decision, and I wiped the ruined makeup off until just me stared back.

I was hiding. Edward was just a few steps away.

As I took off my dress I felt as if I was pulling off a part of me. White silk crumpled to my tiny bathroom floor and it looked so out of place there. I pulled on the jeans and top I grabbed, forcing myself to watch, to hurt. To burn as Edward surely now must be burning.

He said Alice had already made the call. My confused parents were on the way home. Billy had to come because Charlie was his ride.

I wondered if Jake knew what I did.

I took a breath and forced myself to exit. Edward was where I left him, smiling.

"I can't wait to see you pregnant," he said lifting that smile to me. It was perfectly sincere and I felt revolted.

"That's not funny," he leaned back.

"It wasn't a joke." His eyes studied me. A long silence filled the growing space between us. He stood up, "I'm going back to talk to Carlisle. He's concerned," Edward's eyes followed me as I paced.

"Will you leave again?" I asked because I had to. He flinched.

"Do you want me to?"

I felt so damn guilty, "I don't."

"Then no." he was so calm it was crazy. Why didn't he scream or accuse or do something rational?

"If you do go I'd totally understand," I mumbled. He laughed lightly.

"We're staying," and with a kiss to my forehead he was out of my door. Renee was in my room minutes later. She took one look at me and cried herself.

"It's off?" she asked wiping her running mascara.

I only manage a nod. All of a sudden she's ok, and her face is contorted in anger.

"He did it again!" and she whipped out her cell with a snarl.

"Mom," I was too weary to fight, "I did it." She looked at me with comically wide eyes. I didn't want to laugh.

"But Bella, baby," Charlie burst through the front door scaring us both.

"Bella!" he hollered. Renee rushed out and waved him up.

He took one look at me and sagged against the door, and then he did exactly what Renee did, get pissed.

"I'll kill him!"

I almost rolled my eyes.

"Charlie," Renee started, he looked at her as if she were an alien.

"Why am I the only one yelling?" he demanded from her.

"Bella called it off," she whispered loudly. I didn't need vampire hearing to catch it. I lied down before I fell down.

"What!"

I let myself fall into the hole in my heart. I thought of Edward, I thought of what I just did, what I just threw away. I waited for that ache to begin, the one that faded when I brought Edward home safely from Italy. But it didn't.

It was strange. I was whole.

But I didn't allow myself to think any more of Jake, or his eyes in my daughter. And I didn't think of sunshine, or at least I didn't try to. It came effortlessly, holding back the sadness and shining hope through.

Why should I be almost happy when Edward must be hurting so bad? Perfect love shouldn't have been so easy to let go. I had let go. For dreams. For visions. For empty promises. So what Alice saw what I saw, she couldn't see Jake, and she didn't know what his decision would be. I had hurt him too much. I deserved to be alone.

I wanted to be sad, I wished the familiar blackness would take me but my eyes in my son wouldn't let me. I was hopeful, and it made me sick.

* * *

A cool hand woke me up from my fitful sleep. I wasn't sure when I had gone, but Billy's voice floated up from downstairs so I couldn't have slept long. I look up into the honey eyes of Alice, who should be my sister right now.

I cry against her alabaster chest as she hums softly.

"If it was the other way around you'd do the same," Alice's cool hand touched my cheek.

"What are you talking about?" my voice sounded broken to my own ears.

She pushed me gently back on the bed. She looked at me a moment and then glanced off far in time somewhere.

"Still there. I think I know you well enough, Isabella to know you protect the things you love, even if it means damaging yourself along the way," she touched my cheek again. Alice had never before been so gentle or so still.

"I know it's crazy," I started but she smiled and it was genuine.

"You already love them, I know," I feel miserable but Alice is moving on.

"Everything is shifting, and changing," her eyes squinted into the future. "but I think," she said focusing in on something, "everything will be ok." Satisfied she tucks me in.

She answers my questions softly. Guests were told that something came up. Nobody was upset although everybody was confused. Edward is home, and Esme is heartbroken. I want to cry for Esme, for disappointing her, for hurting her family but there is no more room sadness. She tells me that the pack cleared out and not even a tiny argument occurred between werewolves and vampires.

When silence falls between us she starts to sing wordlessly. It takes a moment to realize it's one of Edward's compositions.

I had ruined everything I spent the last couple of months fighting for. But somehow Alice's soft humming lures me back to sleep.

I dreamed of my children dancing in the sun.

* * *

I cut Jake's part. Sorry, I know how painful that is, seriously, it's painful for me too. But he's off doing Jake things. His heart is hurting you know so let's give him a moment to get it together. He's kinda macho, he doesn't like us to see him cry.

And I'm sorry it's so short. Just be warned, I can't write epic lengthened chapters. Any longer than this and they start to really really suck. And I also got totally sidetracked by another story I'm posting up. So many ideas, so little time. At least the short length allows me to update daily, so hey count your blessings! And if it isn't too much, check out my new story.

Anywho, thanks a zillion to everybody that reviewed! Each one makes me grin like a moron. I'm starting to scare my dog.

Special thanks to Anarchist278, mzmanda, and xONaLeYox because, really guys, you're going to review every chapter? ^_^ That's awesome, and seriously, I need the support! You guys make me so dag on happy!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_"I'll Come Running"_

* * *

Everyone was being so merciful it made me sick. Charlie didn't ask any questions, and neither did Renee. I knew my mom was bursting at the seams but Phil and dad were keeping her quiet and out my room. Someone always brought me my meals, and I ate what I could stomach.

I didn't like the silence of the house, or how empty my room felt without Edward holding me. So I slept a lot. Dreaming of the future.

And when I couldn't hide any more, Charlie drew me into a bear hug. He didn't speak, he just held me, and he let me cry all over his uniform.

Renee refused to send back the wedding presents but she did shoo away anyone that came to the door.

Alice was the only one allowed in and she never stayed long. She told me Edward took our honeymoon, to clear his head and make plans.

She assures me nobody is mad.

I hate it.

To keep busy I pour over my admission paperwork. Alice was kind enough to pull some strings to get me into Peninsula College. It was closer, it was cheaper, and I didn't feel like being too far from home.

When Renee left I felt guilty for being relieved.

Charlie gave me space. When he picked Billy up they watched sports and cooked for themselves. I wanted so badly to ask about Jake, but I couldn't breach that subject. I figured that he'd know I called the wedding off. He'd hear that Edward was gone and I was home alone. Maybe he'd come, but as the days dragged by he didn't.

Not even a call. Even Edward, my dear, sweet, angel faced Edward called. He said I would've loved Isle Esme and he hoped to bring me one day. He said he knew I changed schools and chuckled at Alice's hacking skills. He said he was happy, and I believed him. I wanted to be happy too.

Alice took me shopping with my wedding money. I told her it was wrong but she insisted she needed cheering up. Her. No mind to my bleeding, confused and anxious heart.

And the moment I walked out the house I felt the eyes of the world on me. In the mall I swear they stared. There's the idiot that got dumped or dumped Edward Cullen.

Alice tried to keep my spirits up but I was done in when we passed the play area and every small set of eyes turned towards us with curious smiles.

We called it a day and I cried myself to sleep.

The next few days were no better. I finally managed to get the nerve to call Seth. But Leah answered, and I couldn't ask her.

So I waited and waited but every time I called it was Leah or Sue.

Leah finally snapped around my sixth call and called me a stalker and a pervert. I didn't call back.

I resigned myself to ask Billy when he came over again, and I didn't have to wait long. The moment I heard his chair clank over our front door I was running (slipping) down the stairs.

"Where is he?" I blurted out before he cleared the entry way.

"Charlie is grabbing the pizza," Billy said confused. I stamped, actually stamped my foot in frustration. What was I doing? Regressing?

"I'm talking about Jake," Billy looked at me with sad eyes.

I didn't want to hear it but I knew it was coming.

"He's-"

"Gone," I finished glumly. Billy scratched his head.

"He's at the house actually."

Well that answered my question right there. I wasn't about to break down in front of Jacob's dad but he saw the pain anyway.

"Hey, he said to give you this."

I ripped the letter from his hand and ran back up to my room. Billy chuckled and Charlie whistled in confusion but it didn't matter. A letter! Communication!

_Bells, I'm sorry I ruined your wedding and I swear at the next one I'll sit in the front row._

It wasn't signed and there wasn't anything more.

"That's it?" I yelled at nothing. But I knew I only had myself to blame. I should've sucked it up earlier and just tried to talk to him. I didn't even realize he was home this whole time.

How come he hadn't heard? Or seen? And why didn't he deliver his stupid letter himself?

I charged down the stairs like a woman possessed.

I didn't want to drive the car Edward bought me, but there was no other choice. Charlie called after me but I was already out the door.

I didn't have a plan although I knew one was good to have.

I just drove, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel with anticipation.

I wondered if I'd see our kids in his eyes again. I wondered if he'd believe me. I wondered if I could go through with it. I didn't know how to feel.

But the moment I parked outside the house, Rachel was at the door, her arms crossed. Do no enter was clearly written across her face.

Paul was out next. Don't pass go, don't collect 200 dollars.

I giggled, I was losing it.

"What's going on here Bella?" Rachel's voice wasn't friendly but it wasn't mean either. Paul's eyes were angry though. I didn't want to know what he picked up from Jacob's head.

"I'm just here to see Jake," I said holding up my hands. Rachel's eyes lit on my hand and she gasped when she noticed the ring was gone.

"What new game is this?" she whispered. Paul growled.

"No game," why was I nervous? "I just want to talk that's all. Billy said he was home and I figured since I hadn't heard from him-"

"You're supposed to be a married woman, why would you hear from him?" Paul's voice was cold and hard. It was funny, Jake was taller and bigger than Paul, but Paul scared the hell out of me.

"Yeah well, its complicated," I managed trying not to look upset or guilty. Paul nodded, he had taken in the ringless finger too.

"He's not here," Rachel finally said uncrossing her arms. She didn't look like she hated me anymore, but her eyes were now pleading.

"I'm not here to hurt him," I started. Paul held up a hand.

"Everything about you hurts him. I should know, I have to hurt with him," he stared me down. Rachel had a slim hand on his giant arm, and something told me she was actually holding him back.

"You should just go." I nodded, but I had no intention of going.

Jacob fought for me for so long, I could now fight for him.

"I should, but I'm not," Paul shook and Rachel rubbed him and cooed at him gently. Instantly he was calm, instantly he was ok. He looked down at her for a second, and all his hardness melted into love and warmth. When he turned back to me he was all business and steel again.

"You have caused unspeakable damage here, and I'm sick of cleaning up after it. Jacob will heal, even if he doesn't think he can."

Rachel looked at me and I must have looked hurt because she stepped in front of Paul, "Bella," her voice was gentle. "Jacob went for a run."

"Which he has to do three times a day to get his head off of you." Paul interjected quickly.

"But you can wait for him if you'd like."

"The hell-" she waved Paul off.

"Please be kind, if you're here to scold him about the wedding then leave, he's already said he's sorry." I looked between them.

"I called off the wedding," Rachel nodded.

"You ruined your dress we heard."

I smiled a pained smile, "Is that what they told everyone?"

They both nodded.

"My dress was fine." I shook my head at such a ludicrous idea.

"Then why….." Rachel's face twisted up.

"What is wrong with you!" she screeched. I flinched, I wasn't expecting that.

"Do you not realize what you're doing? This isn't lifetime! This isn't the bachelorette! You don't get to play with people's hearts Isabella. You leave Jacob for your leech, crushing him, you sneak down here to see him giving him hope that there's a chance, and then you cancel your wedding after you assured Jake that he'd never be your choice. You kissed him! You kissed him and then chose another guy!" Rachel was fuming and I felt like I would double up in pain.

But this made sense. Her anger made perfect sense. I would take that any day over the smooth, calm acceptance of the Cullens. This was how people were supposed to react when you hurt somebody they loved, no matter what your reason was.

"I'm sorry," I managed but Rachel was still seething.

"He was a zombie Bella! He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't drink. When he disappeared all those months he had broken down and let the wolf take over. He had essentially checked out. That's how bad it hurt."

The story sounded too familiar. And it was my doing.

Paul was hugging Rachel tightly now. She was screaming in his chest, and he was glaring at me.

"When one suffers we all suffer," I nod to say I understood but despite it all I still couldn't go. I took a step forward, to apologize or fight back, I don't know but suddenly a too warm hand was on my arm.

"That's enough, everybody," and I looked Seth in the eyes. He'd grown taller. He looked older. It made my heart break he was growing up just as fast as Jake was.

"Bella has felt the kind of pain she inflicted. Give her a break."

"How dare you!" Rachel lashed. "She should've given Jake a break!"

"Yeah well," Seth sounded so tired, "Jake didn't want one. He did it to himself. I'm not saying she's innocent, but she's not the only one who's guilty." He took my arm and led me back to my car.

"No Seth," I looked into his sad eyes, "I have to see him, and I haven't talked to him in forever." He opened my car door and slid in on the other side.

"I know," he called from the inside, "I'm taking you to him."

Before I could climb in Leah Clearwater was right in my face. And it looked like too had something to say.

* * *

My dear, sweet reviewers, I wish I could send you chocolates and flowers but the best I can do is work out the next chapter. The fact that you guys like this, it just blows my mind. Constructive criticism is more than welcome. I feel the story lacking something and I haven't quite figured out what. Maybe I should just get a beta. **shrug** Oh, and if you don't mind me gushing over your reviews, let me know and I'll start responding. I've just received some really weird review responses in the past and I don't want to do that to anyone else. ^_^

Sorry there's no Jake, AGAIN. But when he comes back I'll let you inside his head, ok? He hasn't been home in a while so he requested a bit of space. Besides, when he pops back into the picture there will be no getting rid of him. Thanks for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_"Let Go"_

* * *

"You Isabella Swan," her voice dripping with false sweetness, "are simply infuriating."

I stepped back and she stepped forward.

I decided then that Leah was ten times scarier than Paul. Leah didn't have an imprint holding her back.

Seth scurried out his seat and hurried over. By then I was pressed against the car, and Leah was leaning into me. She had to be at least six foot.

"Leah this is not the time," Seth grabbed her arm but she shrugged him off, moving away enough for me to draw a ragged breath.

She turned to him with fire in her eyes.

"Go home," he seemed to shrink a couple of inches. She turned to Billy's house and eyed Rachel and Paul.

"Go inside, you're dying to anyway," she barked. Paul flipped her the bird but the door slammed shut seconds later.

I turned my pleading eyes to Seth but he was looking away, hands stuffed into his pockets.

I was on my own.

"Leah," I started swallowing but she threw her fist into the car, inches from my head.

"I talk. You listen," her growl pierced through me. I nodded a couple of times, and I felt tears prick into my eyes.

"Don't cry either." I wiped my face quickly.

"Tell me," her voice purred again, "Did you have fun?"

"H-huh?"

"I asked, did you have fun?"

"Doing what?" she was so close my voice only came out a squeak.

"Slumming it." Her eyes hardened, "Because that's what you were doing with us right?"

I felt another imaginary kick to my gut. "No Leah, it was nothing like that."

"Then tell me what it was. Listen to a few ghost stories, enchant a local, have a laugh? Just bide your time until your cold prince returned?"

"Come on Leah, that's enough," Seth whispered, but his eyes were hurt too. I wondered if that was what they all thought about me.

"No," Leah didn't turn to him, "I want to know."

"I love Jake," I croaked out. Her frown deepened.

"Sure you do," she pulled away and kicked at the ground viciously. I didn't miss the sarcasm.

"You know," she started to pace, "I'll never understand what people consider love." She spit on the ground like the word disgusted her.

"You love with half a heart. You don't even know what it means, or how it feels," she threw her blazing eyes my way, "You stumble into it without even knowing, and then think you can just reverse the effects."

"Did you ever stop once and question how it felt to be on the other end?" I nod and feel the tears coming back again.

"I said don't cry!" I wipe my eyes.

She stopped and crossed her arms. "I don't like you."

Seth snorted, "You don't like anybody,"

"Yeah well," she looked back at me, "I have a special dislike for her."

"Why?" I managed.

"Because you're weak." I flinch, even though I'm not sure exactly what she meant by that. Not everybody can be a wolf.

As if she knew what I was thinking she smiled a very dark smile, "In heart, Bella. I could forgive your puny frame and even the pale skin, but I could never forgive how damn weak you are inside."

That hurt.

"Every other human in existence runs from vampires, and you run to them. Seduced by candy breath and a pretty face," she scowled deeply. "And when one of them dumps you, you fall apart."

"Leah," Seth's voice was a warning but she continued on.

"You have no fight and no fire. You don't know how to stand alone. You don't know how to be yourself without belonging to somebody," her voice began to quiet down, but the words didn't lose their edge, "You don't even know who the hell you are, or what you stand for. So why should I believe, for a second, that you know you're here for Jacob."

She stared at me. Into me. I searched for the answer too, but the truth of her words started to dig under my skin. I felt my conscious question my feelings, taunting me.

My mouth opened, almost without my knowledge, "Don't take your bitterness out on me. Love burned you. That doesn't give you the right to question how I feel."

I regretted my words instantly. Leah's slammed me against my car, and I knew my shoulders would bruise.

"Don't you ever, ever presume you know me," she snarled. I struggled against her, but it was like fighting a wall. Her grip tightened, and I struggled harder, violently against her.

Seth grabbed her arm but she shoved him to the ground.

She was growling at me, vibrating. I panicked, fearing she'd mar me like Sam did to Emily.

And then I felt horrible for thinking of Emily that way.

I slammed my booted foot down on her bare feet and she gasped and loosened up just enough for me to escape her grasp.

Seth stepped between us as I gasped for air. My anger wrapped around me.

"I know who I am, Leah," I shouted rubbing my arms.

"No you don't. Your parents defined you, and now men do," she shrugged Seth off again and I realized she had broken his nose at some point. Blood was dripping down the front of his shirt and that enraged me further.

"You hurt him!" I stepped forward.

"You don't give a damn about us. After you broke Jacob's heart, while he was healing from a fight you caused by the way, you didn't come back. You don't care about him. You don't care about the pack. If you did, you would've never left."

"I'm here now."

"A day late, and a dollar short," she pushed Seth a final time, glaring down on her brother.

"I have to be in his head. I have to mourn what he mourns. I have to hurt when he's hurt. I have to love what he loves," she closed the space between us again but I was no longer afraid.

"You left a bloodied mess behind, and now you want to finish him off."

"I want to talk to him. Where it goes after that is none of your business."

"He doesn't want to talk to you."

"He can tell me that himself."

Her hands clenched, "So what, he's supposed to take you back?" she racked her eyes over me cruelly, "The sloppy seconds of a stinking vampire?"

I raised my chin and fisted my fingers, "He can do whatever he wants."

She studied me for a minute, the malice never leaving her eyes. My heart was pounding, and I knew the moment my anger drained I was going to be a crying all over my steering wheel.

"I've been dreaming about you,"

That shocked both Seth and I.

"Because Jacob dreams about you," she stepped back and leaned against my car door. "He's so lovesick I can't stand it. Despite the wedding and you wanting to turn into one of those things yourself."

"I changed my mind," I whisper through clenched teeth but she just snorts.

"Yeah well, you're an idiot either way," and she threw her head back and howled. Seth jumped and so did I. Leah's laugh was scary as hell.

"I don't get what he sees in you. It's some kind of childhood crush gone wrong."

I wondered the same thing most days.

"But if it stops him from moping around….." Seth and I stared at her with huge eyes. Was she really going to shut up and let me see him?

A giddy feeling bubbled up and my chest and threatened to take over.

"Look, he's 17. Barely out of puberty. He's a a stupid, horny, angry, angst ridden, hormonal teenager. And on top of all that madness he turns into a wolf. He's not decades old like your bloodsucker friends. He's just a kid that loves more than he should be capable of." Leah looked at me like I was missing an important piece of a puzzle. I stared back, dumbfounded.

"He can't handle your silly indecision. And my head is fucked up enough to be in without having to be in his too. I'm sick of it. If you're here, it's because you don't plan on going back, ever. Do you understand?"

I nod, mostly because I don't have words to describe my feelings. As big a bitch Leah was, she made all the sense in the world.

"I hope he grows some balls and tells you to piss off." She growled before pushing herself off my car.

"I'm sorry Leah," I whisper. Her eyes narrow.

"For what."

"For leaving all of you," she just looked at me for a second before turning away.

"Save your apologies for Jacob." But it looked as if I struck a nerve.

Seth kept a wary eye on her as he climbed back into the car.

My mind was slowly processing everything Leah had said. As she watched me, still scowling, I had a sudden, crazy, and suicidal urge.

I lunged and hugged Leah Clearwater. She choked, spluttered and pushed me away, but I was grinning when I stepped back.

"Get out of here," she grumbled, but she no longer looked as angry as before.

"Sure," I climbed inside. Seth shook his head at me but I pulled him into a hug too.

"I'm so sorry Seth," he happily hugged me back. I felt his whole body relax. I wasn't going to cry anymore, but I resolved that even if Jake didn't want me, even if I had to let him go too and be alone….I'd never abandon my friends again.

"It's ok," he whispered holding me close, "I'm just glad you're back."

I smiled against his soft hair. "Yeah, me too."

* * *

First off, thank you so much to AugustFirst for sending this chapter on a way, way, WAY, better path than it was headed. I let Bella off the hook too easily at first, and when I rewrote this chapter I felt Leah was better in tune with her inner cow. So AugustFirst...YOU ROCK!

Mzmanda my love, thank you for liking Edward. I'll never choose him over Jacob, but I won't make him some super villian either.

Cydney94, I agree with you, it needs some Jake and Bella action. It's coming. Review wise, I'm pretty happy. I like reviews because I enjoy the conversation. My degree is in nursing, not writing, and the critiques I get here are extremely valuable and they make me smile like crazy.

Thank you guys for reviewing. You're irreplaceable.

And don't worry, Jake is next. Check out my other Jake/Bella fic Closer if you can. It's dark. Jacob is a jerk, but I'm proud of it.

Leave a review. ^_^ Much love.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"_Wishing Weed"_

* * *

The wedding was off, a complication Seth wasn't too clear on.

I was pretty sure between Bella and I we'd ruined that dress of hers. Which was a shame, because she looked like a goddess in it, even with the blotchy face. It did take forever though to wash that awful makeup off. Makeup wasn't Bella. Bella was loose jeans and flannel shirts.

I knew better than to get ahead of myself, but I couldn't help the smug sense of satisfaction that I ruined the leech's weeding day. And I couldn't get her eyes out my head.

The way she looked at me, like one looks at the sun rising after a long dark night. It was haunting.

I felt at that exact moment something change, shift in the air. And even though I wasn't entertaining any special prayers, I was foolishly hoping. I was hoping I'd get to see Bella again. A human Bella complete with awkward balance problems, a knack for attracting danger, and a blush so vivid she turned the color of a tomato.

Even if she was a Cullen, as long as warm blood flowed through her veins my heart would continue to beat for her. Maybe even after.

Sick and twisted but nonetheless true.

And after losing the good fight for her you'd think by now I'd learn to give up.

But I'm a glutton for punishment. And I'd take as much as I'd have to if I could see her look at me like that again.

I wish I'd known what she was thinking while she just stared into me. Stared like I was keeping something from her, or for her. And then there was the hungry look that came into in her eyes, not quite desire, I mean the day Bella Swan wanted to jump my bones I'd die a happy man. But it was more like….finding a glass of water in the desert.

I wanted to be the cause the wedding was called off. I wanted it to be my fault because that meant I was important. I was important enough to cancel a wedding. Or maybe it really was the dress. Either way it didn't happen that day.

And that made me happy.

For now I was content dreaming my weird dreams. My Bella dreams. Tossing and turning to the picture of her marrying me. Or sitting on the beach, happier than I've ever seen her.

It was a beautiful kind of pain I would relive every day if I could.

So I phased again. I was falling apart in my own head.

_Jake!_

I groaned, a strange sound coming from a wolf throat, but it was Quil, and if I heard anything more about Claire I'd scream.

_Not funny. Claire is the most…._

And I tried my best to drown him out as he went on a particularly long diatribe on Claire's amazing attributes.

_You know she drools right?_

Embry came into the picture. One look in his mind and I knew he was looking for me.

_Leave me alone._

_No problem._ But he didn't mean it.

_Yeah I do._

_You're such a liar._

Quil was still going on about Claire.

Soon they fell into pace beside me, making a game out of tripping each other up. When we reached the cliffs we stopped, and I watched my idiot friends act like puppies.

Ha. Puppies.

It was a rare sunny day, and there was a strange peace over everything.

But everyone was alert and attentive when the engine of a car broke through the nature sounds. It was sleek, and expensive, and there was only one family I knew that could afford to flaunt that kind of money. I growled, which made Quil and Embry do the same. The dark tinted windows didn't allow us so see inside.

But then Seth's stupid head popped out the passenger's seat. I just knew he'd brought his favorite leech to our spot. So what if the land wasn't covered in the treaty, there wasn't a place more beautiful in all of Washington and the idiot had to share.

But a second later my eyes played a trick on me. Bella? Out here?

But Seth was smiling a shy smile.

Her eyes flickered over the three of us, landing on me and staying. She was so easy to read, the guilt and hope jumped off her face like a neon sign. She was biting her lip nervously, playing with the collar of her shirt. She nodded to Quil and Embry, barely managing a smile.

They were both thinking that if she hurt me any more, Bella or not, girl or not they'd push her off the cliff. I didn't growl because one, they wouldn't do it, and two, they liked Bella a lot.

_Bros before h-_

I was glad Embry shut him up before I had to.

Bella took a hesitant step forward and then she looked back at Seth.

"Um, you could've mentioned everybody was letting the wolf breathe." Seth shrugged. He jogged out of sight and was phased in a second.

_Is this ok?_ His eyes were concerned.

Quil and Embry were both taking up every inch of my head with images of me hurt, their own pain when I ran away and a good ten thousand reasons why Seth should take her back to La Push.

If I had brought clothes I'd phase back.

_I have pants._ Seth volunteered but he was much smaller than I was.

_Oh._

_It's ok_. It wasn't lost on me that Quil, who was closest to my size, hadn't volunteered.

_You destroy all your clothes Jake. _

It was true enough. Seth decided that the situation was calm enough to phase back. He threw on his clothes and told Bella hurriedly that it was going to be a one sided conversation….being I didn't have pants and all.

_You could always confront her in the nude._

_Shut up Quil._

_I'm sure she wouldn't mind._

_Shut up._

I growled for emphasis.

_She's engaged. _They snort.

The thought shot through my mind like a spiked and poisoned arrow. I had to shake my head to stop if from bouncing around.

_Dude, no ring._

My head snapped up. Sure enough, she was still talking to Seth, animating with her hands and…..

I heard a pop before I could think out what I was doing. I was standing there in an instant, human and as naked as the day I was born.

"Where in the 7 layers of hell is that ring!"

"Holy-" Seth grabbed Bella before she turned all the way around.

I marched right up to Quil and untied his pants from his leg. He growled but one pointed look and he backed down.

"Jake, I-"she looked at Seth. "Can you let me go?"

"He's not, yet, ok," and he shrugged as I finally struggled into them.

She turned to face me and despite my anger I couldn't deny she looked beautiful. Amazing. Stunning. Perfect.

As soon as our eyes connected something in hers sparked. I felt a chill to my bone and tried to continue looking intimidating. Didn't work. Bella had never been scared of me.

Even as she took a few tentative steps forward, I knew they weren't out of fear. Testing the waters was a great analogy.

"Hey," she sighed and relaxed bodily.

"Ring?" she looked down at her bare hand and pain flickered across her face. Did she lose it? Impossible.

"I uh, gave it back to um, Edward," her checks were scarlet. Number four on my list of things I love about Bella Swan. I wanted to tug her into my arms so badly but I wouldn't. Couldn't. Bella felt too right in my arms and they were sick of getting the pleasure of a second while the other one got all night.

"Jake could we talk? In private?'

"There is nothing private about pack life, remember?" I was unnecessarily cold but it was just starting to penetrate the fog in my mind that she'd given the ring back. What the hell did that mean?

"Yeah well, if they have to hear I'd prefer not to be around," she was trying to smile. She was pleading with me not to be a jerk. I wasn't going to be nice. She had a nice guy. I sugary sweet smelling bloodsucker that would happily dictate the rest of her life.

But while I was enjoying calling he-who's-name-I-refused-to-use every name but the one his momma gave him, she had honed in on me again. There was that hunger. The staring. Seth was getting twitchy and I was growing warm all over.

"Ok," when she looked at me like that there was nothing I could deny her.

Before I could move Seth, Quil and Embry stealthily began to clear out. Seth tossed me a grin, and I knew he was thinking positive thoughts. Embry whined and motioned for the cliff, reminding me of his and Quil's earlier threat.

"Won't be necessary," and I have to fight back a smile.

It felt like an eternity waiting for her to speak, to move, to do anything other than personify that hunger. The few feet between us felt like a chasm. I wasn't ready to risk falling, falling for Bella Swan hurt like hell.

But Bella didn't have my reservations. She took a step forward, and then a few more. She started to smile but it was as sad as it was bright. And it struck me with violence how much I loved her. How much it meant, for her to be here with me, staring, as if I were holding her world in my hands.

* * *

See, I told you I'd let you into Jake's head ^_^ I love writing from his perspective. Ok, shoutouts, because you guys are totally awesome!

Jharv241 welcome to my story. You reviewed every chapter and that's just really freaking cool of you! All my anonymous reviewers, thanks for stopping in. Thank you so much everyone who enjoyed Leah's tongue lashing….like I said, AugustFirst hinted that Bella wasn't really getting how much she hurt Jake so Leah had to step in. Mila-Renae, gosh child you had me smiling like a psycho. But I'm not giving away how the story ends ^_^ I'm not completely sure myself.

Just know guys, that there's very little that makes me as happy as your reviews. I treasure every single one of them. And for those that checked out Closer too, I noticed, and you're freaking amazing for giving it a try.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: First things first, thank you to everyone who reviewed, almost 100 reviews wow, that's really cool. Thanks also to everyone that put me on alert and added me to their favorites, I swear it does wonders to my ego. Also, I've felt horrible about not updating sooner (sorry Vanessa 329! Don't whip out the chains yet ^_^), but after I skimmed back through New Moon and Eclipse I realized how badly Jake was treated and I second guessed the sweetness of my story. So the chapter I intended to write just didn't fit.

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**Chapter 8**_  
"Daffodils"_

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**Seth POV**

We didn't have a specific destination, just away. Embry and Quil didn't want to leave Jake unattended with vampire girl, her mostly negative influence on him only too well known. It didn't take any effort on our part to remember the wreck he became the moment she walked into his life a little over a year ago. He tried to block it, but if he wasn't worried about her, he was trying to figure out how to make her feel better. And when the Cullens returned, he obsessed with staying in her life, obsessed about making her see he was better for her.

_And yet you walked her right into our spot. _Quil was pissed. Mostly over what he considered Jacob's loss of dignity when it came to Bella.

_Dick move moron. _

_Like he hasn't suffered enough._

_It couldn't have waited-_

_**OK!**_

Embry and Quil turned to look at me and I ducked their gaze.

_Idiot._

_Pathetic._

I didn't want to fight, even though my hackles rose at their words.

_Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to do-_

_Oh wow, ya think?_

I snapped a Quil, catching him off guard enough to quiet his thoughts. _BUT, if she's here now that means something right?_

_It means she isn't done ripping his heart out._

Quil was less forgiving than Embry and I. I think something about imprinting let him forget that love hurt sometimes.

_Jake wants her here._

No one contested that.

_He's happier with her._

_And twice as miserable too. _

No one contested that either.

I remembered the way Bella stood up to Leah, letting them see that maybe, just maybe Bella was here for the right reasons this time.

A million thoughts and images ran through our heards, mostly pictures. That was the cool thing about pack mind, sometimes we didn't need words to get our point across.

But before we could come to any kind of conclusion we felt Sam phase. Being he's our Alpha, it's like every single strand of hair stands at attention, and every nerve in the mind is alert and ready to obey.

_Boys._

We felt his pleasure as he stretched his wolf body. Felt his exhilaration as he launched himself into the trees.

_Hey Sam._

_Sup, Alph._

_Yo._

We knew Sam felt our anxiety, but he didn't probe, he didn't ask. He thought only of the run he had been looking forward to all day.

He changed his course after catching our location. We waited anxiously for him to reach us. I felt Embry's eyes on me but wouldn't give him the satisfaction. He was hoping Sam would lay into me, and being that I sucked at blocking anything, by the time Sam reached us, he knew the whole story. His calm shifted into anger, a building foreboding that tore into all of us.

_Seth._

I turned my gaze to the ground.

He was disappointed, a little pissed off at me. Mostly, he didn't want Bella Swan anywhere near La Push. The reason why was blocked, Sam was the best at keeping his thoughts to himself. Alpha power or something like that.

We knew what he wanted before he ordered us, and we were thundering back where we left them a few minutes ago.

_I told you to let me know if anything important happened._

_Sorry Sam. I didn't think a little human girl would be important._

He snarled and I cowered under his fury. _Normally one wouldn't be. But we're not talking about a normal human girl are we?_

_No. _I admitted.

Sam growled as Embry's smug joy crept up.

_And you just left them?_

_Hey, he asked for space._ Embry and Quil answered almost at the same time.

_Jacob is no position to be left with her. One slip and he can incite a war._

_We know he's better controlled than that._ We all thought briefly about the numerous occasions when Jake would've been completely justified in wolfing it up. The one time he actually slipped up at the wedding, he chilled out almost immediately.

Sam was shifting through my memories of earlier, stifling amusement and his general agreement to Leah's words and actions.

"_Just because love burned you-" _Sam shut out the bitter hatred and sorrow that Bella's words put into Leah's eyes. Expertly, Sam's emotions left us, but not before we felt the pain, the regret. Sam didn't even comment when my anger pricked. Leah was still my sister, and what was done to her had affected my family irrevocably.

His apology was without words, and was accepted with the knowledge it didn't change anything.

When we caught sight of them, Bella was hugging herself and gazing up at Jacob, lips moving to words we couldn't yet catch. And Jake's face betrayed his feelings, lit up with hope and twisted in anguish.

_Jacob._

Jacob turned to stare in our direction, Bella too. Sam's barking call may not be understandable to human ears, but the implication was laced with authority. I slowed as Sam propelled forward.

"What is it?" Jacob was tense as hell. Bella's face was flushed, her eyes wide. I guess seeing four gigantic wolves coming at you would do that. Quil, Embry and I stopped at a respectable distance.

Sam turned his head to the forest, staring back at Jacob meaningfully.

"Is it a vampire?" he blanched and a tremor rolled through him. He turned back towards Bella who, if it was even possible, had gotten paler.

Sam shook his head once, and Jacob visibly relaxed. He turned back to Bella, who took a cue from him and was back to blushing.

"Hold that thought Bells," he jogged off to a clump of bushes.

_What's goin on?_

He flickered anxiously from mind to mind, working the pieces of information gained to paint the whole picture.

His body stiffened, and the growl that echoed between us was soft.

His mind froze.

_What the hell?_

Jacob hadn't moved far from where he phased. As he bounced from mind to mind, making sense of our disturbance and concern, I watched Bella flit her eyes from wolf to wolf. Her expressions ranged from awe to worry, love and fear. Recognition allowed her eyes to linger on me, and she smiled softly my way.

I liked Bella. She was nice, and she never treated me as if I was just an inept kid like everyone else. And despite all appearances of frailty, she became fierce when it came to protecting the people she loved. She was loyal, and selfless. Maybe a bit stupid, but we're all human.

And I liked Edward. He looked at Bella as if the world turned by her will alone. I wasn't going to advocate for their relationship, but after the war, I didn't have it in me to call him my enemy either.

_Leech lover._ I growled at Quil but he just huffed at me as Jacob finally found his bearings.

He was furious with Leah and had made a mental note to check Bella over for bruising. He was pissed at Sam for agreeing with Leah, and at Embry and Quil for thinking Bella made him weak. He didn't like that I liked Edward, but that was a conversation for another time.

_Sam what was the purpose of interrupting me? _

_To talk._

_About what? _Jacob tried to peek behind the brick walls Sam put up.

_If I'm not ready to disclose something, brother, you should respect that._

_The rest of us don't have the luxury of keeping secrets. _He snarled back.

_You should try harder. _And to prove his point Sam started to replay one of Jacob's own memories, Bella at Jacob's bedside, telling him she loved him, but it wasn't enough. The pain that rippled through Jake shot through the rest of us, making me gasp.

_Low blow._ Embry muttered, whining in pity. Quil's eyes were closed, and his thoughts drifted off to happier, Claire-centered things.

Jacob didn't think, didn't speak. He just watched the memory and relived his own emotions, eying the girl that caused them.

_I think it's time you and I spoke, it's been long overdue._ Sam's voice may have been soft, but there was no room for disagreement. Jacob didn't fight him, simply phased again, throwing on his shorts before walking back to where Bella stood waiting. She was focused on Sam, who's attention in return shifted to her.

His thoughts weren't unkind, but they weren't welcome either. To Sam, Bella was a distraction they couldn't afford. A human who's loyalty was split between adversaries. Jacob's attachment to her wasn't yielding, despite her past choices, despite the pain he endured. Sam didn't like Bella, but he couldn't hate her either. Jacob's love echoed that strongly.

_Phase back, go home. _

_K. _Quil was aching for a nap.

_Take it easy._ Embry was hoping there was food at his house.

I watched Bella's hands lift to Jacob's face, watched his eyes slide close and the pain etch just a little deeper.

"Can I come by later?" he asked sounding sure she'd say no. He raised his arms to take her hands in his, brushing a kiss along her knuckles before bringing them down to her side. I looked away. A wave of dread flowed from Sam to me.

"Of course," she whispered turning slightly. Jake let her go, looking lost from the contact. She stared at him a second longer, that wistful smile returning to her face.

_Seth. Home. _I turned to leave.

I listened to her car start, watching through Sam's eyes as Jake turned towards our Alpha without trying to hide his animosity.

I felt Sam's regret settle into the pit of my stomach as my house came into view, far enough away for me phase back without being seen. The last thing I saw was a flicker of my sister escape from behind Sam's walls. An image of her standing before him broken, his hands clasping Emily's, begging for her forgiveness, and blessing.

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A/N: Um, I'm knocking a few inches off of Jake. Writer's privilege. A 6'7 teenager is a bit hard to write, especially when Bella is only supposed to be 5'4. So in the next chapter, be prepared. Also, sorry if this isn't exactly up to par. I wanted to get another character's perspective and I really like Seth so I went with him. I prefer Jake's head *sigh* but I already started this damn thing from Bella's. Oh well, next chapter Jake shows more tude (Cydney and Mila!)

Oh yeah, in the books the wolves making a ripping sound when they phase, not a popping one. Um, they're gonna pop here. Another writer's privilege. ^_^


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